This Can't Be Goodbye

“Oh stop your crying it will be alright,
Just take my hand hold it tight
I will protect you from all around you
I will be here don’t you cry”
That was our favorite song
But yours was
“Raindrops on roses
And whiskers on kittens”
I sung it at your birthday party
Do you remember?
Your 75th birthday party?
Your family from Virginia was there
You were ecstatic
I remember crying
My crystal water drops falling upon my face
I didn’t know what I would do without you
Now you’re gone
Your body was placed 6 feet below
In a pitch black endless hole, you were being swallowed
Covered with dirt and moss
Body being eaten by bugs and worms
Now I can’t feel your soft skin
Hear your melodic voice
Or see your glowing face
I have to watch my first birthday tape
Just to get the pleasure to hear your voice
Call me your one and only baby
And see your face
For years you fought
And struggled to stay here
You would always put on a brave face
Always told me nothing was wrong
“Breezey, everything is ok. How was school?”
Tears streamed down my face when I saw you that way
You thought I never knew
I knew all along
I just never told you
You didn’t want me to worry
No matter how tired you were
You always kept me happy
Giving me piggyback rides when I was younger
Driving me back and forth from school to piano lessons to dance
Back hurting, hands swollen, coming home to take your daily deadly drugs
That slowly takes over your body until your numb
It didn’t matter
As long as I was happy and you saw a smile on my face
You were always that kind of person
Putting others first
Loved to be outdoors amongst the birds and the flowers
You would sit and watch them endlessly and study them for hours
If I could have five minutes the day you passed
I would give you the world
Tell you the reasons why I love you and everything we shared
I would hug you and kiss you on your cheek
I would tell you it’s ok to go and I’ll miss you
But no
You can’t fit a lifetime of memories into five minutes
You held on for so long
And there’s not a day that I don’t remember you strong
You were a veteran in the war
A strong leader
I might be selfish, but I wish you were back
Even if it meant losing you again
It’ll be worth all my tears
If you stayed just one more year
I wanted you to dance at my sweet sixteen
The father daughter dance
“Isn’t she lovely?
Isn’t she wonderful”
I know I’m not perfect
I know I’ll never be
I just hope you’re up there
And that you’re proud of me
I’m not the only one to has been affecting
Grandma has too
She cried and misses you
You two have been married for more than 40 beautiful years
But I haven’t seen her happier
She danced for the first time at your nephew’s wedding
The last time she danced was when you two for in the living room listening to the collaboration of percussion instruments; classical music
She was so happy
I wear your dog tags everyday
To remind myself I’m just like you
Your personality, talents, voice, and looks
Brianna Beverly
I have your name in mine
But
“If I could steal one final glance, one final step, one final dance with him
I’d play a song that would never, ever end
‘Cause I’d love, love, love
To dance with my father again
Sometimes I’d listen outside her door
And I’d hear how my grandma outside her door
I pray for her even more than me
I pray for her even more than me
I know I’m praying for much too much
But could you send back the only man she loved
I know you don’t do it usually
But dear Lord she’s dying
To dance with my father again
Every night I fall asleep this is all I ever dream”
Even teenagers have childhoods and fairytales
Why can’t I have mines back?


Brianna Perrin